my own one man show

strike down the gear, tear down the posters,
no more music to hear, its time to go home

when we
pack up the show, get ready to move on,
the neon signs dont glow, they lock the doors up

and well
when the rhythm dies down
the words dont resound
and it hits the floor
and the ringing ears stop
and the heart rates drop
you're left wanting more

then when the truth hits home
like i've never known
how close home could be
when its all said and done
this life isn't as fun
as the devil told me

because
at the end of the day,
when you recognize you cant keep pretending
and you're left alone
and you realize you're the only one standing
you come to conclusions
that make you the deluded, and so now you know

wherever I am, I'll be, forever, my own one-man show

Teach Me

My heart is glad, that you are my Father
Adopted to you, as sons and daughters
And Your love endures, as You said it would
And my heart sings...

Teach me, the sound of Your voice
With the faith to respond, to love you...
Teach me, to follow you close
With the faith you bestow, to love you...

My heart is glad, to serve you as King
Forgive the times, that I am stubborn
With a humble heart, may I come to you
And my heart sings...

Teach me, the sound of Your voice
With the faith to respond, to love you...
Teach me, to follow you close
With the faith you bestow, to love you...


Sometimes I feel like if I really knew the sound of God's voice, I wouldnt cry. I wouldn't be worried about stupid things and I wouldn't screw up. How can you, when you've heard the most beautiful thing in the world?

God knows how stubborn I've been.
Am I simply too stubborn to hear God's voice?
All I know is that my heart yearns for the day I'll be in heaven.
Am I trying to look too far ahead?
Am I trying to ignore the present?



Guilty as charged.

Teach me, the sound of your voice, with the faith to respond, to love you...

Relationship Status: Complicated

Why? 
Why do you do that? 
I wish you would stop waking me up to my depression. 
I was really rather content sitting in my blissfully ignorant state. 
Really, I was coasting along quite nicely before you knocked on the door of my emotions, 
with each thud on this 
hollow tin heart 
knocking off centuries of dust that has happily taken up residence there. 

Why? 
Why cant you just quit? 
I wish you would just leave me where I was at. 
I was able to have a somewhat functional bedtime before you came and shattered my peace. 
Really, now I am up from dawn to dawn, sitting, thinking, 
praying 
that your love would stop at mediocre. 
Why, why -- no how-- how can your love be so deep? 

And now -- now I am at a loss for words. 
Do I pray that you continue to throw my life in the air, tossed and blown in your steady direction -- which I definately cannot see? 

Or do I pray for a life unsettled, a life reminicent of a pebble on the edge of an unused path? 

Do I prepare for this constant churning-- 

do I prepare for nothing at all? 

Can I handle a life of rollercoasters? 
Can I handle a life of mediocrity? 



You are
SO
complicated.