Bindings

Sometimes I think I'm bound my misunderstandings.



Sometimes, the things I think that I know for sure end up being things that, to be completely honest, I don't know about at all.

Pride, insecurity, and stubbornness contribute to my "perfect" understanding of circumstances.

Ending up choked by my perceptions of a situation, I would rather suffocate to death than to ask for a clarifying (and often) freeing release of my own preconceived ideas.



Sometimes I think I'm bound by the perceptions of others.



Sometimes the way in which others voice their opinions of me or the way that nothing has to be said at all to speak volumes in my life has had too much say in determining who I am and who I will become.

Struggling to listen to the things that matter and having the wisdom to take into account what I need to grow as a person, all the while discarding things that have no truth in my life has been a balance issue I've almost always faced.

Sometimes the urgency between listening and doing gets mixed up, and eagerly I make wrong mistakes desiring to be rid of decisions.





Bound.




Bound by so many things.









Sometimes this bondage seems unbearable.













O, to grace how great a debtor, daily I’m constrained to be.












Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to Thee.



Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above.

with arms wide open as the sun

what is that i hear?
what is that majestic sound?

tears of miracles and destiny are falling hard on my pillow.

what more is there to fear?
what else can drag me down?

truth as innocent as love can sting worse than the greatest anger.

with arms wide open as the sun
i seek to leap and long to run
you'll catch
we'll fly
oh, oh, oh...
yet-- 
no no no.
not you, nor i
can i handle this majestic sound?
i wont let you know
when you're around
my heart...
pound, pound, pound

you know my heart.
and still...
come down.
you know who I am...





sinner
noun. pécheur(-eresse) m/f

and still...
come down.
and still...
and still...
and still...

whisper to me

i need to hear your words
whisper them to me
over and over
soft and tender


"truth" and "love"

Backwards

The sun is rising in the east,
Birds aren't flying, cause they 
decided it was quicker when they traveled on their feet

Spring time brings the autumn leaves,
The North is getting colder,
it decided that it didn't believe in global warming

What's happening?
Things are backwards, backwards, backwards, backwards, backwards cant you see
What's happening?
Am I slowly going crazy or is this reality?

Bread is rising without yeast,
Politicians tell the truth, they never lie, it's the newest policy

Pigs are defying gravity,
Public pools are chlorine free, little kids have decided they wont --

What's happening?
Things are backwards, backwards, backwards, backwards, backwards cant you see
What's happening? 
Am I slowly going crazy or is this reality?

What's happening?
Things are backwards, backwards, backwards, backwards, backwards 
backwards, backwards, backwards, backwards... cant you see?

Desserts vs Oceans

I love the water.
I love water games, I love water sports, I love the way that water gleams and sparkles in the sunlight, moonlight and starlight.
I love the water.

I did not always love the water.
When I was younger, I had a fear of deep and turbulent waters. I feared drowning or being lost at "sea". I feared that I was not strong enough to conquer the waves and that help would not get there soon enough should I start to slip beneath the glassy surface.


But, after time, practice, and lots of money spent on swimming lessons, I learned to overcome my fears and appreciate the gift that God had given me.

I learned that sometimes storms and deep water were necessary to help me grow, and that I didn't have to be worried that I might not be strong enough, because Help was always nearby.


--
Now I find that I have a new fear: lack of water.

I fear the desert.
I fear that dry place, where I'm thirsty all the time, where I see mirages and feel like I'm surrounded by death and wastelands.
I fear the desert.

I fear that I am lost in the desert. I fear that my throat is too dry to cry out for help, that the wind and sands will confuse and disorient me and that I will become even more lost than I already am. I fear that fatigue will overtake me, loneliness will overwhelm me, and silence will drive me mad. 

I fear the desert.
Or perhaps more than that, I fear desertion.



O God, show me that the desert is a place that I can grow.
Show me how to appreciate the desert without feeling abandoned or deserted.

all boxed up

i find myself reevaluating what i believe.
what am i willing to settle for?
what am i willing to risk?

i never thought i knew it all --
but everything i thought i knew was shook up and rearranged.
i feel like a jigsaw puzzle with pieces that were never meant to go together --
i'm comprised of confusion and absurdity and rawness and beauty and... and...

... and what?
why does it matter?
caught in a cyclical argument, my thoughts never surprise me, and i dont reach out anymore --
not to You, not to him, not to them.

i had the faintest grasp, but i took the pendulum and swung it in a direction that was easy to wrap my head around.

now we stand, staring at the box that i want to shove you into.
stop shaking your head at me. i know its wrong, but i know that this box is in the picture somehow.
could it be possible that i took the box from within you?

The Evolution of Simplicity

Is anyone else a little lost, or am I the only one feeling this?












I don't know when it happened, but somehow,
life
became
really
complex.















Life has become so cluttered, so busy and exhausting, so seemingly insurmountable and relentless that at times, it is more than overwhelming and too easily seen as a vicious cycle of fatigue, failures and false hopes.










So naturally, we panic.



























Panic doesn't always look the same.
It could be an outward break down, a collapsing of the forced pleasantries and social formalities.




It could be an unnerving silence, a piercing hush of anxiety and distress.





It could be a blind and desperate cry, a taking back of control through whatever means possible.
















What ever happened to simplicity?

















Can we come back to a point where simplicity is a little less complex and a little more... simple?






I'd like to believe it.
I need to believe it.